The Mother I Now Choose to Be — For Myself
Written by: Heidi Neubauer
This chapter of my life is calling me into something essential: to mother myself.
There’s something about this time of year — right after Mother’s Day — that brings up deep stirrings in me.
I didn’t grow up with the kind of mothering that every child deserves. My mother, though present in form, wasn’t nurturing in the ways my heart longed for. There was distance, criticism, and a deep sense that I was never quite enough — never quite lovable as I was.
Now that she is no longer on this earth, I find myself sitting with both the grief and the truth: I will never get the mother I once needed from her. But I can become her — for me.
This chapter of my life is calling me into something essential: to mother myself. To turn inward, not with judgment or pushing, but with tenderness. To show up for my own wounded inner child with the softness I never received.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about choosing to stop waiting. Waiting for permission, for approval, for someone else to say, you matter.
Because I do matter. And so do you.
So I am learning to:
Speak to myself gently, even when I fall short
Rest without guilt
Nurture my body like I would a sacred child
Be fiercely protective of my peace
And honor my needs without apology
There is a little girl inside me who still looks up, wondering if someone will ever come for her. Today, I let her know: I am here. And I’m not going anywhere.
If this touches something in you, know you’re not alone. Healing isn’t always about doing more. Sometimes it begins with placing your hand on your own heart and whispering, I’ve got you now.
This, too, is wholeness.